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The thesaurus is where we find big words for the ones people actually understand.Shout "out" to baseball players who get three strikes."Don't kid yourself" would be a great slogan for a condom company.Dear rappers, please stop putting sirens in your songs.If you think women are the weaker sex, try pulling the blankets back to your side.They'll never tell anyone, because they aren't even listening.

Never, under any circumstances, take a sleeping pill and a laxative on the same night.I wanted to get it for you, but then I realized it's my own reflection!The floor just hates me, the table and chairs are bullies, and the walls get in my way.Plastic surgery is the work-out routine for the rich.Life without women would be a pain in the ass, literally.

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